By: Andre Lopes Massa
So, before I get into this week’s content, I just want to mention that, as you’re noticing right now, the appearance and design of the website are completely different from what you all are used to. Nick and I worked tirelessly to ensure that he appearance was more vibrant to match the transition the Historical Nerds are making and to organize our posts in a way that you all can easily find what you’re looking for. Cheers to the future!
Today’s topic is one that is a little more…..touchy; dating. In school, dating seems a lot easier. After all, you’re in a setting where you forced, to some extent, to have interactions so that initial barrier of introducing yourself and finding things in common seems easier to tear down. But, once you’re out, the world becomes a lot bigger and, consequently, harder to navigate. All of a sudden, you’re thrown into a dark pit without a map to guide you, and suddenly you must figure it out all on your own. For all of you extroverts out there, that probably isn’t a problem for you. In fact, it’s probably your dream scenario. But, for someone introverted like me, I absolutely dread the idea of introducing myself and keeping up with small talk. After all, why do you think I blog? But, at the same time, in this vast, open world, I’ve learned a lot more about myself and seen how different I am from contemporary dating habits among millennials. In short, I’m very old fashioned. For today, I’ll be going over my thoughts on dating as a millennial with old fashioned tastes.
- A relationship does not have to revolve around sex
This is something that I have found prevalent among my fellow millennials; their relationships seem to revolve around sex. From going to the bar with friends to playing soccer at the YMCA, it seems that when people talk to me about their relationships, the first thing that comes up is how much sex their getting, how they’re “down” for it tonight etc. Hearing this, I can’t help but feel that relationships that revolve around sex seem to miss out on creating more memories that can be valuable. Relationships thrive when both partners have a clear understanding of each other and the good, honest communication that results from that. Trust me, there is a lot of value that can be gained from having a good, old fashioned romantic dinner, or maybe a hike on a good trail, or having a picnic with your significant other. You end up learning more about each other and understanding each other beyond your bodies and your relationship becomes more about making memories that last. Obviously, I acknowledge a healthy dose of consensual sex is important to a healthy relationship, but don’t let that determine what direction it goes in. Take some time to realize the deeper aspects of your partner and you’re relationship will last.
- Don’t be afraid to be honest
If something is bothering you, don’t be afraid to speak up. I always find that it’s important to let others know what’s on your mind, especially if you’re in a relationship with them. When you’re honest, you will gain important insight into resolving conflicts and learning how to communicate in an effective manner. As my mother always said, “It’s important to speak from an ‘I’ place”. Having a mutual understanding of your feelings can go a long way to overcoming the obstacles that will inevitably be placed in your way, and honesty is never a wrong way to go.
- Don’t be paranoid
I see that many of my fellow millennials are obsessing over the imaginary subtle message that their partner sends to them in text messages. Just because your partner only sent back four heart emojis in response to the eight that you sent them doesn’t mean their cheating on you. Don’t overthink things. Just because someone doesn’t respond to your text doesn’t mean they’re actively plotting to hurt you. We all have our own lives and the key to a successful relationship is always built on trust. Give your partner space and have faith that they will do the right thing. First, you help yourself with this mindset because you’re not letting fanciful scenarios eat you alive and you help your partner out because they have the space to grow and learn about themselves. Mutual trust goes a long way in a relationship and ridding yourself of that paranoia is the key first step to building that.
- Your age is not an excuse to cheat
Let’s establish what is already known; cheating is not and never will be okay. Yet, despite this, I often hear a lot of my fellow millennials not only proudly admit to cheating, but defend it because “I’m young and need to have fun”. This is not an argument. Your age is not an excuse to hurt someone. Your age is not an excuse to destroy trust. Your age is not an excuse to sneak behind your partners back and constantly be dishonest to them. Understanding that there is a time to grow up and get serious about earning and maintaining trust protects your partner from hurt and protects you from making bad decisions you’ll regret when you’re older.
- Just be yourself
I often hate when people tell me that the reason that they started dating someone was because they have a nice body. I just find it incredibly superficial and shallow because it short circuits the important part leading up to dating someone which is courtship that involves getting to know someone first. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and take the time to know someone. Everyone has something deeper than their physical appearance, and, when you open yourself to them and allow them to do the same to you, you may find that both of you have found a hidden gem. Patience goes a long way and never be afraid to admit that perhaps things may not be going well and that maybe you two are not a good match. Inevitably, we will be wrong many times, but the one time we get it right will lead to a lifetime of happiness. Just be yourself and have patience, because you will be rewarded in the future.
There you have it. I hope my advice can help you all better your relationships in the future than this unconventional post from me was worth it. If you have any need for advice, any suggestions on things on missed out, or just want to say I’m wrong, always leave a comment in the section below and I will try my best to answer them. Till next time. -Andre