To My World

Good and Evil, Hero and Villain, God and Devil, Heaven and Hell, etc. There are many ways to say it, many meanings behind the driving forces of the world we live, but everything boils down to the simple aspects of light and darkness. And for years and years, people, including myself, thought that things in this world simply fall in either an area of light and an area of darkness and if it falls into the area of darkness it needs to stop or its the end of everything. For the better part of 12 years I operated under that philosophy, training and fighting and protecting that idea. But I realize now, going into the final test, the final “battle” if you will, that after all these years I was wrong, and so are the rest of you who believe things are this way.

The world is facing some dark and deadly times right now, things the world doesn’t even know about, and even things that being more blown out of proportion than necessary. And there are some out there who think that by adding peace, love, kindness, and happiness, “light”, we can fix all of these dark problems and the world will be a perfect and happy place for all. But the idea of “light”, of peace, love, kindness, and happiness doesn’t work that way. It’s not a cure all to the problems or to the darkness we are currently facing because of the simplest existing principle, that light cannot exist without darkness as darkness cannot exist without light. Does this mean that all the darkness (the crime, hatred, anger) is something we should just accept and let happen? No, of course not. But we cannot expect to completely rid the world of it either. What we need to focus on in this moment, while we have the power to do this, is to balance the light and the darkness currently in our world.

What does balancing light and darkness mean? It means that all of us work together to make sure that both principles, both forces of light and darkness, are at similar levels and one does not overshadow the other. For example, if something bad happens to someone or a group of people, instead of focusing on the action done to them wasting energy and time into stopping it permanently which we cannot do, we should focus on helping the people affected, doing good for them and in that helping, in that getting others to help others, to protect others, to be there for others, we add the light to the world and hopefully in turn balance out the darkness that happened to the person or group of people.

For 12 years I have been fighting, both figuratively and literally against darkness that the world cannot see, that the world should never see. I’ve lost friends and even family in pursuit of a solution to the darkness, darkness in part created because of my own stupidity and selfishness. But I made a promise that I would fix it, no matter the cost, no matter the risk. And soon, very soon, the time to fix the mistakes of the past, the time to change things hopefully for the better, is coming. Some call me crazy, crazy for wanting to help a world that hasn’t treated me the best, to help a world were people have treated me pretty badly and have laughed and ridiculed mostly my whole life. Maybe I am crazy, but in the end, no matter how badly I’ve been treated I will do what it takes to keep people safe. Because protecting people and making sure they are safe and have the option to live their lives in the way they choose is more important than my personal feelings.

Now, does this make sense? Probably not. And these are probably just the ramblings of a crazy man, but after years and years of fighting for this world, protecting the people of it from afar, after everything I’ve learned about the world over the past 12 years, I had to get this message out there before I enter the final test in hopes that someone else out there reads this, understands what I am saying, and works to achieve this idea of balancing the forces of light and darkness. Because we cannot have too much of either force. I hope someone out there understands, and if you do, please continue down this path. The world needs it.

To the people who were actually crazy enough to call themselves my friends, thank you. You don’t understand how much it meant to me to have friends like you, people who genuinely care about me, thats always been hard for me to find. So thank you, for making me feel like I mattered to people other than the people I was suppose to matter to. Thank you for giving me somewhere I felt like I belonged, somewhere I could feel happy about and smile real smiles. And when I go and face this final, life-changing test, I’ll be thinking about all of you and pulling strength from our memories and happy moments. I hope that you will all believe in me and understand the words I am saying here.

I guess in a way, this is me saying goodbye. But not in a permanent way, in a way that I’m not going to be the same person. I’m going to be different now, and at times anyone who knows me, who cares about me (which is few and far between), will not believe that this new person is me. But it’s a necessary sacrifice. And no, this isn’t a cry for help, or a cry for attention. Thats the last thing I want and or need, at least not attention for myself. I need attention for the world, for balancing the light and darkness. If we don’t work for that, then we really only have a limited time in this world left. So please, fight for balance, speak for balance, believe in balance. Don’t let all the deaths in pursuit of this be in vein.

So to my world, pursue the path of balancing the light and darkness. It’s the best chance we have to make this world a better place than it currently is, the only chance we truly have to save it. And to start this balancing off, I’m going to wipe the slate clean, start a new stream of light and darkness. A sort of “reset button” if you will. I know you’re all going to think I’m a crazy man, and that’s okay. I’ve dealt with low opinions of myself my entire life, but in the end I’m still going to do what I can to keep everyone safe. So mock me, call me crazy, hate me, hurt me, do your worst. But in the end, even if no one out there gives a damn about me, I’m still going to be here if I’m needed, until the very end. And that’s who I am, that is the principle I will fight with, and the one I will die with if necessary.


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